My Blog

Monday, October 11, 2004

Arg Carl is such a fuck i wish i could kill him do u know how happy that would make me! And the best thing is i absolutely mean what i say when i say i want to kill him because i honestly do! He is a piece of shit fucking up my life! I'd be so fucking happy if he just died just dropped over and died! Arg i hate him he's such a fuck!

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Confused Eyes open

Its about time i got a blog back. Its about time for me to a lot of things. I miss being able to freely say what i want. I have to watch myself so much since last year. I can't take people saying that i'm playing about being sad and playing out physical pain that i'm in. I cant take people talking about me cutting and saying that "once someone starts cutting they never stop" that statement can never be correct no matter how you want to try to prove it. I've stopped i couldn't take hurting andy that much. I'm kind of afraid tho our relation goes between nutral feelings and fighting about who i am. I would change for him, but dont people say that you shouldn't have to change yourself for the other person. Well ok but what if you love that person enough to try to change for them. I dont like the argueing i dont like not being able to talk to anyone because i always get in trouble for it. I think i've become a little "flirtaous" and i feel bad for semi-flirting but i like the person who i've been semi-flirting with. I think i should ask andy if its ok if i start having guy friends and being able to hug them and stuff...i dont think it would be a big deal since brit always gives him hugs and other girls. I just dont want to be seen like "chipmunk". I dont see the problem its just like being friends with out anyone knowing. I mean we pretty much next to ignore each other all other times.
Maybe what i am doing is wrong but arg i think i crave what all the other couples in school have. they hug and kiss in the hall and everyone knows they are going out..than there is me and andy a bunch of people think that we broke up and all the rest think we are like an old couple. I think i get jealous to easily. Is what i'm doing wrong? I do still love andy but i question if he actually feels the same and i'm kind of scared what the hurt is going to feel like.

I sound like a stupid preppy, slutty girl. The people i hate i dont want to be what i hate I just want to be me but being me is so hard! You are normally wrong when you are yourself because you try to change and you get shot down all over again. If i could just switch schools for a year i could change and it wouldn't be as big of a deal than if i were to change while being at the same school.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

The Beginning of a New Voice

I have decided to make a new blog that either no-to-few of of my friends will know that i have another blog account. And there is no way possible for them to find out anyway because none of them have a "blogger" account. Therefore, now i am free to say whatever i want with out the worry of saying the wrong thing about people because everytime i say something i start a fight. Finally i can say whatever i want with out thinking about what other people think. Finally i can post my poems without a care. Now i'm free.